Fun with Harry Potter.......

lupinshowl · October 2009

I was just wondering if anyone had any good Potter jokes out there............I found this one and thought it was funny and wanted to share it.....................

Three friends, a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw, and a Hufflepuff, went on a hunting trip. The first night, the Gryffindor student goes out and comes back to the cabin with a big deer on his shoulders. The others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies, "I saw the tracks, I followed them, and bang! I got the deer!"

The next night, the guy from Ravenclaw goes out and comes back with an even bigger deer. His story: "I saw the tracks, I followed them, I made certain I was downwind, I took careful aim, and bang! I got the deer,"

So the Hufflepuff decides to give it a go. But the next night, when he drags himself back to the cabin; his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened to you?" they asked.

"Well," replies the Hufflepuff, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got hit by the Hogwarts Express."

Richard · October 2009

I dont get it,but its a good try.I would like to read some good jokes about HP,then I CAN SAY THEM TO PEOPLE!

SPEW · October 2009

Nice one there lupinshowl! That was pretty good. But why is it that everyone thinks that Hufflepuffs are stupid? I mean Gryffindors are courageous, Ravenclaws are intelligent, Slytherins are ambitious, and Hufflepuffs are loyal, hard workers, and value fair play. I always hear jokes making fun of Hufflepuffs and them being stupid, which I don't really understand and know why everyone thinks them to be stupid. That's alright though, Hufflepuffs had Cedric Diggory! The hottest guy ever to step foot inside Hogwarts! He is so hott!

keet · October 2009

Good point spew (about cedric diggory!)

I dont know any jkes but ive read some funny HP chat up lines!!

lupinshowl · November 2009

A blind wizard walks into a pub. He asks the barkeep, "Want to hear a Hufflepuff joke?" The pub goes completely silent. The barkeep answers, "Sir, I am a Hufflepuff. I'm used to handling a rough crowd alone. I have my wand drawn. The wizard to your left is an auror with his wand drawn. He too is a Hufflepuff. The witch on your right has her wand drawn. She is a dueling champion and also a Hufflepuff. Are you absolutely certain you want to tell that Hufflepuff joke?"

The blind wizard says, "God no! Not if I'm going to have to explain it three times!"

HP_addict23 · November 2009

haha . cool .

keet · November 2009

LOL!!!

SPEW · November 2009

Well, I don't know of any jokes. But my boyfriend did make one up just now. It's a "your momma" joke. Don't want to offend anyone, this is just for laughs.

Your momma is so fat that the sorting hat placed her in all 4 houses!

Your momma is so ugly when she broke out of Azkaban and the dementors caught her they just gave her a hand shake and let her off with a warning instead of performing the dementors kiss!

sectumsempra08 · November 2009

hahahahhaahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa SPEW

keet · November 2009

LMAO!!
where the hell did they come from? thats funny

sectumsempra08 · November 2009

i never knew there were yo momma jokes relating to harry potter.

sectumsempra08 · November 2009

yo mamma so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark

Yo Mama so nasty, everybody calls her She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked

xeraph · November 2009

Nice one's there sectum! All the jokes here are great!

Yo momma so fat that when she looked in the mirror of erised she saw her feet!

Yo momma so dumb that when they told her she needed to pass her OWLs in order to advance to NEWT classes she ran to the owlery and grabbed a couple of owls and started passing them out in class!

keet · November 2009

LMAOOO!!!!
How are you thinking of these? their dead funny!

Rosie · November 2009

[quote=SPEW]Your momma is so fat that the sorting hat placed her in all 4 houses![/quote]

Hahahahah Spew, that is gold.

Richard · November 2009

FINALLY you arent typing the way you used to lupinshowl,I can fully read your comments now and not have to skip a word!Anyways those jokes are funny and now I understand that first one after the second time I read it!

lupinshowl · November 2009

.......brilliant!......these jokes are great.........

Two aurors returned to the ministry of magic to brief the Minister of Magic about what happened the night before while they were on patrol. The Minister was joined by another wizard from the wizengamot. The first auror said,"I want to start out first by saying that I am a ravenclaw and so being one I had planned to use my intelligence to outwit these deatheaters we were following. We followed them down an alleyway when all of a sudden they had done something that I did not think of."

"What? What did they do? Did they murder another muggle?" asked the Minister of Magic.
"No!" answered the Ravenclaw Auror. "They are 2 of the most wanted deatheaters out there, I couldn't believe that they would be that stupid!"
"So, what happened?" asked the wizard from the wizengamot.

"Well, they both walked into a bar, one after the other!" answered the other Auror. "Well, that must've made it easy to nab them!" chuckled the wizard from the wizengamot.

The other Auror ignores the wizard from the wizengamot and turns to the Minister of Magic and says,"We didn't know what they were thinking or doing, they're wanted and they should be in hiding but instead they go out and we happen to see them walk into a bar. After they walked into the bar the Ravenclaw here elected to just stake out and watch their next move so he can try to outwit them. Being a Gryffindor I decided to be brave and acted on nerve, so I went after them and caught them. It wasn't a pretty scene though, that bar sure got messed up!"

"Well done my dear Gryffindor, you should've been a Slytherin like me. You showed alot of resourcefulness. Well done!" said the Minister of Magic happily while shaking the Gryffindor Auror's hands. The wizard of the wizengamot started laughing out loud. "Excuse me, is there something amusing about the story?" asked the Minister.

Wiping the tears from his eyes and trying hard to hold in his laughter the wizard from the wizengamot answers,"I'm sorry, I'm a Hufflepuff and I am use to other wizards making fun of us for not being too bright. But when it happens to others I just gotta laugh at it and enjoy the moment. How stupid could they be? One after the other and they both walk into a bar? You'd think one of them would have ducked!"

lupinshowl · November 2009

A Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff are sitting next to eachother at a bar. The Ravenclaw looks and sees that the Hufflepuff is dosing off and tired. Looks clearly drunk and seems to have no clue where he is. The Ravenclaw, decides to make good of the situation. He taps the Hufflepuff on the shoulder and asks, "Excuse me, do you mind playing a fun game with me? The rules of the game is simple, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me 1 galleon, and vise versa!"

The Hufflepuff, looking very tired and drunk, politely declines the offer and turns back around to get some sleep on the counter. The Ravenclaw somewhat agitated taps the Hufflepuffs shoulder again and asks,"Okay, how about this, if you don't know the answer you pay me 1 galleon and if I don't know the answer I will pay you 5 galleons" figuring that since he was a Ravenclaw he knows everything and a Hufflepuff isn't that bright.

This catches the Hufflepuffs attention now and the Hufflepuff turns around and agrees to play the game with the Ravenclaw. The Ravenclaw asks the first question, "What is the name of the kidney like stone that comes from the stomach of a goat and protects from most poisons?" The Hufflepuff doesn't answer, reaches into his pouch and hands the Ravenclaw 1 galleon. The Ravenclaw smiles happily knowing that he is able to outsmart the Hufflepuff and make easy money.

Now, its the Hufflepuffs turn, he asks the Ravenclaw, "What goes up the hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The Ravenclaw gives the Hufflepuff a puzzled look. After thinking for a few minutes he is determined to get the answer right. He grabs the Monster Book of Monsters from his bag and scans the pages. Finding no answer he grabs another book from his bag, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Again, after a few minutes of tearing through the book, finds no answer. He grabs every book from out of his bag and desperately tries to find anything he could. After an hour and to no avail he wakes the Hufflepuff up and hands him 5 galleons. The Hufflepuff politely takes the 5 galleons and turns away to go back to sleep.

The Ravenclaw is baffled and taps the Hufflepuff on the shoulder and asks, "I'm sorry to bother you, but what is the answer?"
Without a word, the Hufflepuff reaches into his pouch, grabs a galleon and hands it to the Ravenclaw.

HP_addict23 · November 2009

you guys are terrific
! haha

keet · November 2009

LOL!
good ones!

SPEW · November 2009

That is awesome lupinshowl, very funny! Though I like Hufflepuffs, those are some good jokes you got there.

lupinshowl · November 2009

Legend has it that there is a very special mirror in a Hogwarts lavatory . If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth about themselves, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie then with a POOF you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

So, a Gryffindor walks into the lavatory and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most daring person Hogwarts has ever seen."
POOF The mirror swallows him.

Next a Ravenclaw stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most intelligent student ever to attend Hogwarts."
POOF The mirror swallows her.

Shortly after a Slytherin walks in, decides he can be cunning. He stands in front of the mirror and says, "I don't think that I am the most daring or most intelligent student ever to attend Hogwarts, I think that I am a rather normal student that gets by on my own ambitions!" give's a little smirk and "POOF" the mirror swallows him.

Then a nice strapping seventh year Hufflepuff comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ."
POOF the mirror swallows him.

keet · November 2009

Haha!!!

xeraph · November 2009

Nice jokes! Poor Hufflepuffs though!

xeraph · November 2009

[quote=lupinshowl]You'd think one of them would have ducked[/quote]
hahaha! LMAO! Nice one there lupinshowl!

HP_addict23 · November 2009

nice guys ! ahaha

sectumsempra08 · November 2009

oh those silly hufflepuffs..

horcrux98 · November 2009

Knock Knock Who's there? You Know! You Know Who? Yep! Avada Kedevra!

horcrux98 · November 2009

what is snapes boggart=================================a couldron full of hot strong ...shampoo

horcrux98 · November 2009

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his wand in the corridors!.

horcrux98 · November 2009

two harry potter fans walk into a bar........................one says to the other one i'm a wizard ..........................the other one says are you serious?.............nah i'm james

horcrux98 · November 2009

What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs.

horcrux98 · November 2009

9)Why did the Weasley cross the road?

Somebody tossed a knut.

8)Why did Draco cross the road?

So he could swing his hips at weasley.

7)Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?

Draco did.

6)Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?

Because Potter couldn't stop him.

5)Why did Death Eaters cross the road?

The Dark Lord ordered it.

4)Why did Trevor cross the road?

To get away from Longbottom.

3)Why did Dumbledore cross the road?

He was following the poisoned lemon drops.

2)Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?

So no one could tell what side he was on.

1)Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?

Because we are doublecrossers.

horcrux98 · November 2009

yo mama so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib====================Your momma so ugly, a dementor wouldn't kiss her.

horcrux98 · November 2009

how mady slitherins does it take to stir a couldron?==========================just one they put the wand in then the world revolves around them

Cyber-Logic · December 2010

Oh, I had a friend start a Harry Potter 'Yo momma' fight on Facebook with me once, and we kept on making 'em up, lol.

EDIT: NVM, posted the screenshot to another thread.

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Fun with Harry Potter.......

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